


Winter Warfare

by ScientistSalarian



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Holidays, Pranks and Practical Jokes, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 16:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17247281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScientistSalarian/pseuds/ScientistSalarian
Summary: This is a gift for the MEFFW Secret Santa exchange. Some Tali and Jack friendship and holiday hijinks!





	Winter Warfare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Angelwingsl3 (Marie_Fanwriter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_Fanwriter/gifts).



The humble two bedroom home that belonged to Commander Shepard was bustling with activity and full of life. It was as though the Normandy had somehow morphed into a cabin in the middle of the the mountains. Familiar voices echoed throughout the rooms of the exquisitely decorated house and Tali took a deep breath and sighed. She looked around and filling each and every room were the faces of every one of her beloved crew-mates. All but one. She walked through the kitchen where it seemed as though Kaidan and James were taking care of the cooking for the majority of the group while Garrus was frantically trying to get the dextro cuisine taken care of.

“Whatever that is burning, I hope it’s not for us,” Tali called to Garrus as she passed by the kitchen.

She heard James curse under his breath in Spanish as he discovered that perhaps he’d been distracted by chatting with Joker, Liara and Grunt who were slowly crowding the kitchen.

Tali shook her head and decided that perhaps no more help was needed in preparing the food. She walked through the dining room where Miranda and Javik were seated discussing the finer points of human holiday traditions. She waved to them as she made her way out to the living room where Shepard and Wrex were trading old war stories, laughing about about tales that now seemed to have grown somehow even taller than the Christmas tree that stood in the center. She peered outside and noticed Jack standing alone on the deck. Slowly gliding open the back door that was adorned with glittering decorations, she walked quietly over to where Jack was leaned against the railing in the far corner.

“You’re putting a lot of trust in them to make edible food for all of us,” she said with a laugh as she waved.

“Yeah and if they burn the damn house down, I’ll be the only one to survive,” Jack answered laconically. 

“That will be the legacy of the famous Normandy crew. Defeated the reapers, defeated by Christmas.” She stood next to Jack and looked out over the large snow covered backyard. A few trees were peppered over the vast property and everything seemed to look like something out of the old holiday movies that Shepard showed them back during their first holiday together.

“I mean...have you heard the music for this shit. It’s deadlier than anything we ever battled.” The sarcasm was dripping from Jack’s words but there was just the slightest hint of truth behind them.

“How could I forget the year your people insisted that the Citadel shops play that nonsense the entire week before Christmas! I’d go back to the Collector Base all over again if it meant not having to hear that stuff again.” 

Jack smiled and leaned in closer to Tali, “My people…” she whispered, “Are idiots. And this holiday is bullshit.” The smile fell from Jack’s face as she returned to her usual scowl.

Suddenly Tali felt badly for Jack. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly. 

“It’s fine. All of them in there have stories about Christmas and Hanukkah being happy fucking times and what have I got to add to that? Want to hear about the experiments performed on me while you guys were busy opening presents? Ohh! Or how about that time I joined a cult and we didn’t celebrate the holidays because they invented their own backwards crap to celebrate. Way to bring down the mood!” She gazed through the window where Miranda had somehow managed to coax a smile out of Javik and she rolled her eyes. “Even those two are having a good time,” she pointed to the window and Tali folded her arms giving them a considered look. 

“We don’t need them to have fun! I don’t have any traditions either you know,” she linked her arm through Jack’s and lead her down the stairs of the deck onto the snow covered lawn. “But we can start our own!”

“You’re not going to make me have fun. I’m going to sit here until dinner is served when I have the excuse of being distracted by ‘accidentally’ eating the dextro food and puking.” 

“Jack!” Tali was now determined to make sure that she had a good time. “If you puke, than I will puke. And that is a much worse mess for me than it is for you.” Her tone was deathly serious as she tapped the mask on her enviro-suit and feigned the act of vomiting. 

Suddenly she knelt down on the ground and turned her back to Jack. She quickly packed a ball of snow together, whipped around and tossed it, hitting Jack square in the chest. 

Jack’s eyes lit up and she gathered her own handful of snow. “Oh...it’s on,” she said in a dark tone as she beaned Tali perfectly centered against her mask. 

The two of them scrambled hurling snowball after snowball into each other. Tali squealed as one caught her right between the shoulder blades. She returned fire with a shot that landed against Jack’s stomach. The two of them were whooping and hollering and the obscenities were flying even faster than the snowballs themselves. “You having fun yet?” Tali hit Jack again with another tightly packed parcel fo snow.

“Well yeah! You introduce a bit of violence into the holidays and all of a sudden, it’s not so bad,” she admitted. “But I think we can do better.”

Tali’s eyes widened and Jack could just barely make out the expression through the purple tint of the mask. Tali cautiously walked towards Jack, wondering what exactly she was plotting. She knew that tone of voice all too well and it usually lead to the sorts of things that would land them in a C-Sec detainment center.

Jack put her fingers to her lips and motioned for Tali to be quiet and follow her. They tread softly around the side of the house to where a small shed stood, full of gardening tools and other odds and ends. Jack looked around warily making sure the coast was clear before jimmying the lock open. 

“Are you breaking into Shepard’s things?” Tali hissed the words already knowing the answer.

“If she didn’t want us snooping, she’d have a better lock.” Jack smirked and guided the doors open as quietly as she could. She looked around for anything that she might be able to use for her plan. She found a small wheelbarrow and gave it a rather considered look. “Now this might be useful,” she mused to herself.

“For….what...exactly?” Tali was afraid to ask.

“For wheeling a shitload of snow into the house and pelting every last one of them with a snowball.” 

“Shepard will kill you!” Tali was appalled at the idea. “You’re going to get her house full of snow!”

“Yeah? And? This is the Commander of the Normandy SR-2; Home of the Scale Itch! You think a little water is going to piss her off?” Jack raised an eyebrow and Tali shuddered, remembering Mordin’s warning to them all. They still never discovered who the culprit was behind bringing such a disease on board and at this point, she felt like she was better off not knowing. She begrudgingly shook her head, knowing that while Jack’s logic was mostly sound, she didn’t particularly want to run afoul of Shepard in her own home. “Don’t worry, if she flips, I’ll take the fall for us,” Jack reassured Tali with a pat on the back. 

Tali helped Jack roll the old wheelbarrow out of the shed and the two of them began diligently working to pack snowballs into the rickety old thing. Tali was growing more and more delighted as their stash of snowy armaments began to grow. Neither of them spoke another word but they occasionally exchanged cheeky glaces black and forth. Once they felt they had enough, they rolled around to the front door and rang the doorbell. Tali felt a sense of childlike energy as she and Jack waiting for the door to open, each hand holding a perfectly round sphere of snow. 

“Who could that be?” They heard a voice shout from inside the house. “Everyone is already here!”

“Someone just answer it!” Another voice responded. 

“Fine, I’ll get it!” The door slowly opened and Grunt was met with two snowballs pelting him in the face. He stood there stunned for a moment before even being able to speak. Tali was lost to a fit of giggles and Jack had a wicked grin on her face. 

“Who’s there?” They could hear Shepard’s voice calling from behind Grunt.

Grunt gazed down at the wheelbarrow and then looked at Tali and Jack. “If I get someone else to come to the door, you’ll hit them too?” He inquired in the quietest tone that a krogan could possibly muster and they both nodded solemnly. 

"You might want to see for yourself,” he shouted back. He gave them both a knowing look and Shepard and Liara both made their way to the door, curious about who the mystery visitor could be.

As soon as they were both within range, they were each hit with a snowball. Liara yelped as the cold snow hit her skin but Shepard didn’t react at all. She looked over at Grunt who was trying his best not to react and then back towards Tali and Jack.

Suddenly Jack found herself with a clear shot on Garrus and lobbed one towards him as well. The shot connected and Garrus turned around suddenly trying to see where it could have possibly come from. “What the hell!” was all Shepard could think to exclaim as Tali slid past her in the foyer and caught Kaidan and James with a snowball each. The floodgates were opened now and Jack and Tali didn’t rest until everyone had been a casualty of their snowy warfare. “You guys are getting my house all wet,” Shepard yelled but she couldn’t help but laugh at the same time. 

“I told you she’d be mad,” Tali said nudging Jack.

They heard the back door open and shut quickly and then once more. Shepard returned with arm-fulls of snow. She returned fire towards Jack and Tali, “If my house if going to get wrecked though, I’m going to make sure I have a hand in it.” 

Everyone began scrambling towards the door to arm themselves. Tali and Jack swiftly ran back out the front door and hid behind the shed. Jack boosted Tali onto the roof of the structure and now possessing the high ground, Tali began to hit everyone that crossed their path. The fight raged on until Shepard finally cried out, “Dammit guys! The food!” Everyone hastily returned to the house except for Tali who was now trying her best to climb down off of the roof. Jack reached up and lifted her down. The two of them exchanged self-satisfied looks and they stood against the shed for a moment, enjoying the moment. 

“Alright, now that’s a tradition I can get behind,” Jack admitted.

“I’m glad.” Tali quickly hugged Jack and Jack returned the gesture, albeit briefly. 

“Thanks,” she mumbled quietly. 

“You’re welcome.” The two of them walked back towards the house. “I hope we didn’t ruin dinner. I’m starving,” Tali said hopefully.

“Me too.” Jack answered. “And I don’t think we ruined dinner anyway. Any dinner that can’t be improved with violence, isn’t a dinner worth having.”

Tali simply nodded. It certainly wasn’t a point she felt was worth arguing. They returned to the house just pleased to be allowed back in after their earlier acts of deception. They were even more relieved to see that dinner hadn’t been entirely wrecked. Jack and Tali grabbed seats next to each other at the great long wooden table and smiled. “Promise you won’t eat the dextro food?” She wanted to make sure Jack’s threat from earlier was emptier than the wine glass that a rather inebriated Joker appeared to be holding.

“Promise.”


End file.
